DeadAir 2012: Oh. The humanity.

"Now boarding..." This Week's DeadAir 2012 Nominees

This Week - Monday, September 12, 2005
We're Sorry but We're Unavailable to Take Your Nomination

Since the President's back and has things under control, I'm going on vacation. I don't have a war I'm hiding from (though in the Indian Summer the meth addicts in the neighborhood are on full tweak and getting the police a little excited, so caps might be flying in my 'hood sometime soon) or a FEMA director to unconditionally praise. I don't get 34 days to kick it down at my ranch, either. There are, however, angry mothers on my street waving their fists at me as I drive by. But this is a pretty red town so it might be because of my "Dear Lord Protect Me From Your Followers" bumper sticker, or because I was listening to NPR. I don't know.

But I'm going out of town, I know that. I can't give DA2K12 the soul-searching, deliberation, and meticulous care that I normally would when I'm fantasizing over what luminary I want to disappear in a hideous ball of flame from the firmament. I've got to pack, confirm the flight and hotel reservations, tell the housesitter what drawers and closets to stay the hell out of, figure out which boots are going to go with which domino and ball gag (evening wear--we're going out a few nights), and stop the mail delivery for the whole week so it doesn't overflow with porn DVDs and my right-wing neighbors figure out I'm a closeted pansexual just like them.

Sure, I could probably pull an all-nighter before my flight but that's going to mean that I'm asleep after the first bloody mary, and I don't want to oversleep my stop and wake up in American Samoa. Plus, carmically, I don't feel comfortable writing about an imaginary air disaster right before I step on a large airliner.

So, a tip of my cap to the eight of you loyal enough to check in to see who's going down this week, and my apologies for phoning this week in. So if you haven't yet, please peruse the archives (on the navigation bar to your right), and, if I don't die in my own fiery ball of flame, or from the cavity check before I go into Disneyland, DA2K12 shall return next Monday, September 19. Thanks as always for opening your hearts and hearths to DeadAir.

 

 
Virtually condemn your most-loathed celebrity, relative, or backstabbing weasel ex-friend!


Try it--it's a scream, and very cathartic!

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