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They
say
the
worst
thing
about
these
mass
tragedies
is
that
they
rob
us
of
our
best
and
brightest.
That
clearly
isn't
the
case
with
our
doomed
Concorde--virtually
all
of
the
already-confirmed
passengers
are,
for
their
own
individual
reasons,
very
late
for
a
dirt
nap.
The
Concorde's
2003
flight
represents
a
complex
cosmic
justice,
yet
at
the
same
time
it
should
also
involve
a
certain
measure
of
mercy
and
compassion:
Of
recognizing
those
who
have
done
nothing
overtly
horrible
or
to
any
extent
hostile,
but
are
suffering
in
an
unfortunate
existence--a
suffering
that,
if
we
indeed
care
at
all,
we
should
terminate.
Below
you'll
find
a
growing
collection
of
nominees
who
don't
seem
to
warrant
God's
swift
retribution
for
a
life
of
misdeeds,
but
whose
mangled
bodies
lie
on
the
shoulder
of
our
socio-cultural
roadside,
crying,
wailng,
whimpering,
begging
for
some
good
samaritan
to
stop
and
help
them
effect
a
swift
and
merciful
end.
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Name:
Corey
Feldman
Transgression(s):
Survived
the
80s,
when
Coreys
roamed
the
Earth.
Evaluation:
With
Rick
Astley
and
Boy
George,
Corey
was
one
of
the
most
bizarre
and
surreal
sex
symbols
of
a
bizarre
and
surreal
decade.
No
one
has
yet
come
forward
and
admitted
to
finding
him
attractive,
but
the
overwhelming
evidence
of
his
ubiquity
suggests
that
there
are
many
out
there
hiding
embarrassing
secrets,
and
have
a
lot
to
answer
for,
about
how
they
used
their
entertainment
dollars
and
their
libidos
in
the
1980s.
What's
more
perplexing--disturbing,
even--is
his
continued
employment
(See
him
in
1999's
Troma
epic,
Citizen
Toxic:
Toxic
Avenger
4,
and
don't
let
Xmas
2000
pass
without
his
recent
album
of
new
Yuletide
standards,
and
just
this
year
he
appeared
on
ABC's
"Politically
Incorrect").
That
he
has
been
able
to
remain
in
the
public
eye
despite
"The
Bad
News
Bears"
TV
series.
Meatballs
3,
Dream
A
Little
Dream,
Teenage
Mutant
Ninja
Turtles
III,
Meatballs
4,
Friday
The
13th
Part
IV,
Rock
and
Roll
High
School
Forever,
Friday
The
13th
Part
V:
A
New
Beginning,
Dream
A
Little
Dream
II,
and
Citizen
Toxic:
Toxic
Avenger
4
offers
unsettling
evidence
of
an
entertainment
industry
having
fun
at
someone
else's
expense.
Like
bored
teenagers
guffawingly
blowing
marijuana
smoke
in
a
kitten's
face,
far
too
many
decision-makers
in
the
entertainment
business
sadistically
delight
in
giving
Corey
the
chance
to
perform
publicly.
And
like
that
poor,
chemically-addled
kitten,
the
effect
is
just
as
pathetic.
Though
it's
often
been
a
subject
of
intense
debate,
Corey
is
human,
and
he
has
feelings.
It's
time
to
put
a
stop
to
this
unnecessary
cruelty. |
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Name:
Paul
Hogan
Transgression(s):
Perpetuating
Australian
stereotype,
and
repeating
that
perpetuation
again
and
again,
repeatedly.
Evaluation:
Paul
burst
onto
the
American
scene
in
1986
as
the
eccentric
but
delightfully
engaging
Australian-in-America,
Michael
"Mick"
Dundee.
He
followed
this
blockbuster
with
another
breakout
roll
in
1988's
Crocodile
Dundee
II.,
playing
the
eccentric
but
delightfully
engaging
Australian-in-America,
Mick
Dundee.
Dozens
of
viewers
flocked
to
his
early
1990s
efforts
Flipper,
Almost
An
Angel,
and
Lightning
Jack,
where
he
showcased
the
artistic
prowess
and
versatility
he
displayed
as
the
"Third
Delivery
Man"
in
the
1980
Aussie
feature
Fatty
Finn.
In
the
1990s,
he
brought
his
talents
to
the
small
screen,
playing
an
eccentric
but
delightfully
engaging
Australian-in-America
in
commericials
for
Subaru.
After
a
successful,
years-long
run
in
that
role,
he
returned
to
American
cinema,
playing
an
eccentric
but
delightfully
engaging
Australian-in-America,
Mick
"Crocodile"
Dundee
in
2003's
Crocodile
Dundee
In
L.A.
with
equally-versatile
Linda
Kozlowski
and
the
amazing
Paul
Rodriguez.
With
his
newest
movie
awaiting
its
Blockbuster
premiere
in
video
stores
across
the
country,
Paul
reportedly
plans
to
take
a
break
from
his
film
career,
and
spend
the
remainder
of
his
natural
life
touring
state
fairs
with
fellow
thespian,
Bob
Denver.
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