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Stewardess
Dottie
Says:
"Welcome,
Valued
Guest,
to
the
state-of-the-art
Airbus
A3XX.
This
will
be
the
last
flight
you
will
ever
take,
but
I'm
here
to
make
sure
it's
your
best!
 This
first
of
its
kind
seats
555
Valued
Guests
in
uncompromised
opulence.
Regardless
that
this
flight
means
your
impending
death,
this
promises
to
be
the
most
memorable
flight
of
your
life.
So
sit
back,
enjoy
some
complimentary
Pommery
champagne,
Elberta
peaches,
and
gold
leaf
chocolates,
and
I'll
see
you
in
Hell!" |
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Plush
appointments
abound
in
the
A3XX.
High-back
Pamplona
leather
seats
are
designed
to
comfortably
accomodate
even
big
and
tall
passengers,
and
recline
(Fig.
A)
to
provide
all
of
our
 Valued
Guests
optimum
luxury
and
soothing
respite
as
they
approach
their
fiery
rendezvous
with
destiny.
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The
Cargo
Hold
in
the
new
Airbus
A3XX
has
been
designed
to
stow
an
impressively
large
number
of
reprehensible
celebrities
and
abhorrent
cultural
artifacts.
This
Cargo
Hold
can
acccomodate
the
casts
of
the
last
seven
Real
Worlds,
three
55-gallon
drums
of
Bobby
Knight's
bile,
Eminem
and
the
transcripts
of
every
deposition
he's
been
forced
to
give,
Mariah
Carey's
entourage,
the
latest
touring
company
of
Up
With
People!,
the
sealed
dropbox
of
ballots
that
Jeb
Bush
dumped
into
the
Gulf
Of
Mexico
in
2000,
and
the
2003-04
Portland
Trail
Blazers.
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With
twin
aisles
and
two
levels
the
new
Airbus
A3XX
line
will
swathe
its
guests
in
unparalleled
luxury.
Passergership-style
stairs
(as
seen
on
The
Titanic
and
other
famous
luxury
liners),
connect
the
upper
and
lower
decks,
and
spacious
cargo
apartments
can
be
designed
for
use
as
shops,
gourmet
restaurant-bars,
and
gymnasiums.
A
state-of-the-art
communications
bay
will
enable
guests
to
make
last
minute
changes
to
their
wills
and
testaments,
suspend
alimony
agreements,
or
issue
instructions
to
their
agents
for
posthumous
publication/TV
movie-adaptation
of
their
memoirs
.
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